I Still Heart Britney

[Many thanks to Gilmore over at Pretty On The Outside for his great illustration called Butts Up Britney.]

I totally still love her, y'all! Britney Spears is someone I never thought I'd care for even a little. When she first hit the scene, I was a snooty, post-collegiate hater who turned his nose up at any bubblegum pop. (I was, in fact, so fortunate as to be spared the entire boy band craze, having only learned of that weird historical valley in the intervening years.) Yeah, all the hetero boys I knew were crazy about her, but as far as I was concerned she was a blond chick from Texas who had somehow managed to become a canvas onto which people with actual talent had lavished production value until she was every sleazy old man's favorite schoolgirl fantasy.

I came to appreciate her as a phenomenon. I grew to love the fact that she would move through her choreography in live shows with a look of intense concentration on her face; you could practically feel the eight-counts. First, I realized I was totally hooked on her early hits, then the new ones would come out and I'd like them too. By the time "Toxic" came out, I was a fan of sorts. To see her dancing with that snake doing "I'm a Slave 4 u" at the VMAs was fan-fucking-tastic! Lookee, she can move and shake her hair and pretend to sing and hold a snake all at the same time!

Alas, though, the glory days are on hold. I think she totally could come back whenever she wants to--and in the mean time, bad marriages, dropping babies, horrible clothing, and the unfortunate VMA 2007 performance, the lower the bar so she'll freakin' blow our minds when she's ready.